Today, it happened. After 23 long years of being a badass hustling b*tch, I found it. What did I find, you may ask. OH JUST MY LIFE CALLING!
The specific moment occurred at 2:49pm. I was scrolling through my Facebook feed (it was for work, I swear) when I saw it. An article that called my name, literally:
Clicking on the article, I didn’t know what to expect. But then there were the words.. taunting me..urging me..
“Ice cream, candies, sprinkles, chocolate syrup. It’s pretty much whatever you want and how much of it you want.
The Beach Bowl comes in different sizes, and the largest holds 16 scoops of ice cream. While customers have indulged in the smaller sizes, no one has bought this large size, said one of the owners, Joe Hurtuk.
So who is it going to be?”
As JT said in the NSYNC song, “IT’S GONNA BE ME”! Not to brag, but despite my size, I can put food away like a 700lb fat man. My friends don’t call me the garbage disposal for nothing! I once ate a 1lb burger in under 5 minutes.Plus fries, onion rings, and a milkshake.
Call me Joey Chesnut because this is what I was born for. When I will take this giant leap for mankind? Who knows. Will my stomach explode and my family be forced to put “killed my ice cream consumption” in my obituary? Another unknown question.
All I know is I must certainly am DTF: Down To get Fat.