Bite at the Museum


What do the Mona Lisa and ice cream have in common?

They are both gonna be in a museum, b*tch!


This may or may not be a big deal to you, but as a former history major and current ice cream enthusiast, I literally started jumping up and down while clapping my hands upon hearing the news.

I pictured a gigantic building, dedicated to all things ice cream: past, present, future. With pints of every flavor available at every turn. Happiness oozing from the walls. And clearly, easily accessible.

Then, I actually read the article that explained the museum in detail. My dreams were shattered.

First off, the museum is only in New York City for one month. When? OH ONLY 3 DAYS AFTER I LEAVE (I’m taking a little big apple vacay from the July 22nd to the 26th). Even if this museum was everything I hoped for, I wouldn’t be able to see it, taste it, die from pure joy in it.

Also, eating wise, they only describe an “ice cream tasting.” TASTING?! TASTING! Tasting is NOT eating. Tasting is what you do when you literally take ONE SINGLE bite of food. How do they expect people to be in an interactive ice cream museum and only TASTE ice cream. B*tch please, if people are paying $30 bucks a pop to hit up this joint, I would expect at the very least a gallon of ice cream. Imagine being hungry there?! I can barely be hungry in a museum not solely dedicated to the most delicious treat on the planet without trying to gnaw on some artifact! BLASPHEMY I TELL YOU, BLASPHEMY.

To the ice cream museum’s credit, although sadly not edible, its exhibits do seem hella cool. You can swim in a pool of rainbow sprinkles (not edible ones, those bastards), sample edible balloons (what is this Costco?!), explore an immersive chocolate room, ride the ice cream sandwiches swing or the ice cream scooper see-saw, and find your flavor match in Tinder Land. I’ll swipe right to all of the above. Serious question though: will there be lifeguards in sprinkle pool, because I am certified..just sayin (cough hire me ice cream museum cough).

Ultimately, I can’t decide if I hate this museum idea or am just suffering from extreme fomo because I know I won’t be able to see it for myself so my mind is just hating it as a defense mechanism from suicide. Whatever, I really don’t care.

Yo, if anyone does check it out – let me know what you think. I promise I won’t judge (lol jk I totally will).

sprinkles pool copy

Swimming pool full of sprinkles then you dive in

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